After talking to my manager a couple weeks ago and telling her how burnt out I'm feeling, her "advice" to me was to take a couple personal days and just regroup.  Good call, except I don't want to take benefit time and a "couple" of days isn't going to fix my problem.  And also we're short staffed, and I'm not gonna be that guy who takes off because I can and leave everyone else with their thumbs up their asses.

Well it turned out that Friday we were overstaffed and I asked to take off for a personal day about a week before.  It got approved, so all this week I was looking forward to this nice three day weekend.  My plans were to Christmas shop on Friday and call some venues to schedule walk-throughs, veg out on Saturday (maybe wrap some gifts, nothing crazy), and chill the fuck out all day Sunday.

Fuck.  Those.  Plans.

Wednesday at work was a goddamn disaster.  We had three deaths on my shift and they were all pretty emotional.  One death is a lot to deal with but three?  Good lord.  Also, one of our "residents" (a patient that's been in the hospital for a long time [in this case, this woman had been on our floor for over 5 months on this admission]) went bad and they had to intubate her that night.  I meant to get upstairs and see her, but I didn't finish my charting til about 1230 and didn't leave til 1245, so I was pooped.  Brushed it off and figured I'd see her Thursday morning.

I got a text when I woke up Thursday that that patient had passed away that morning.  Are you kidding me?

Ok, normally I brush this off, it's just another patient, right?  She'd been on our floor for FIVE MONTHS.  FIVE.  She LIVED with us.  Did her bills at the bedside and everything.  Her family was our family.  And I mean, she'd been in and out of the hospital for the last 2 years or so, so we bonded before this admission.  But everyone really liked her.  She stayed out of our hair and only called us when she needed us (as she was bedridden).  She was 47 years old and left behind her 11 year old daughter and her husband.  She told me once that she was just trying to make it to Christmas.  But after the last dose of chemo we gave her (which was a new regiment and I told her I thought it was a bad idea for her to get it), she really crapped out.

So unfortunately she died on Thursday.  Ten days before Christmas and twelve days before her daughter's birthday.  Funny thing, my mother taught her in high school, and now my brother is teaching her daughter at the middle school.  Small world.

Anyway, that kind of blew us all away.  We knew she wasn't doing well, but we didn't expect her to go bad THAT fast.  Thursday was a very somber day at work.  I mean, you can't NOT get attached to a patient if they're there for FIVE STRAIGHT MONTHS ya know?  Ugh God, it was hard.  I've had a few good cries over it.  She always said I was one of her favorite nurses because I always made her laugh.  I just wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye properly.

Her wake is tomorrow, so me and a bunch of the girls from work are gonna go.  I hope I don't have a meltdown.  I might.  I don't know.

So Thursday was a bad day for me and I told Craig that I'd had a real shitty week and I just wanted some "alone" time... Not avoiding him, just saying that I might be more quiet than usual, as that's how I tend to deal with things.  He kind of brushed it off, didn't offer much in terms of support, but whatever.  He tells me he's feeling sick (flu-like), I told him to go out and get some meds and just rest.

Ok, fast forward (or rewind, as we're looking back, here) to Friday.  Ahhhhh glorious day off, nice weather, I'm inspired... TIME TO SHOP!!  I kicked ass Friday... Until Craig texted me that they sent him home sick from work.  Greaaaaaat.  So I lose either way I play this one.  If I go over and take care of him like a good wifey, I lose out on all I'd had planned to do that day.  If I carry on with my schedule, I'm a shitty person who doesn't take care of their sick fiancé.

So I told him I wouldn't be over.  I told him to take some Nyquil and just sleep it off, I'd talk to him later.  Cuz come on, if I went over there, you KNOW I'm gonna catch whatever he has, then I'll be sick this coming week (into Christmas and my weekend on, of course).  Anyway, I keep on shopping, I get home, I'm organizing myself, got ALL of my Christmas cards written and ready to mail, getting ready to eat a nice home cooked dinner with my parents, and Craig calls.  Says he feels like shit, he's going to the ER.  Well is it really an emergency?  He's breathing, he's swallowing, he's oriented.  It's not like he's on death's doorstep.

So I hit up the pharmacy and I get him Robitussin and Dayquil and antiinflammatories and all sorts of shit.  I also stock up on soup for him and some groceries.  I go over to see him and really, he looked pretty crappy.  My poor pup.  He's got bad sinus congestion, and probably (my guess) a post-nasal drip that caught up in his chest.  So he's got a gross cough, snot everywhere, and an incessant headache.  Nothing emergent though.  I drugged him up, waited til he fell asleep, then came back home and worked on some Christmas projects/gifts (I made some this year!  WOOT WOOT!!).

Ok, so Friday wasn't a total bust.

Saturday plan: Finish up Christmas shopping (needed a gift card for Tarin and some tissue paper, just little things), then wrap everything I've got.  I assumed Craig had called out of work, so I'd let him rest and go see him later in the afternoon.  WRONG.  He texted me at 10 saying they'd sent him home again.  *le sigh*.  So I did my shopping, ate lunch, then brought all my shit over to his house to wrap there.  I drugged him up, let him take a nap, did a load of laundry, wrapped gifts, did the dishes, fed the chinchilla, wrapped some more, drugged him up again, and left.

Can I tell you how freakin exhausted I am?  And can I tell you how fucking impossible it is to get a three-day weekend EVER?  And mine has been completely wasted.  I was supposed to RELAX and veg out and recouperate for three days, and all I've been doing is running around and taking care of sick people.  I mean really.... I'm gonna go to work Monday and be just as exhausted as ever.

Fuck my life.

So we'll see what Sunday brings.  So far it looks like this: Wake up, do laundry, shower, eat, go to the wake for hopefully only an hour or so (from 2-3 would be good), come home, get changed, finish wrapping a few things and write a few Christmas cards for coworkers, then go see Craig, watch football the rest of the day, and hopefully (read: FINALLY) chill the FUCK out.

I am fuckin spent.

On a totally unrelated topic, Craig and I are having like zero sex lately, and it's pissing me off.  It's not for lack of trying (on his part), I just am never in the mood anymore.  Or when i am, it's at like 1 a.m. on a Wednesday morning or some shit.  What the hell.  I think I'm just too stressed out.  And yes, sex could totally relax me, but I'd have to put SOME effort in, and I just don't have the energy at the moment.

I have to go into work early for a staff meeting Monday.  Our second this month.  WTF is that about?  Oh, and I STILL haven't called a single venue to arrange anything.  Awesome.  Keep digging yourself in deeper, idiot.

I watched "The Lion King" last night, and the scene where Mufasa dies still makes me cry.  How pathetic is that?

To end this entry on a lighter, happier note, I'm attaching pictures of the embroidery I'm giving Grammy for Christmas!  It's the first one I've sewn, washed, ironed, and framed all by myself, my first "official" finished project!  I'm glad she's getting it, I just hope she likes it lol.

Ok, time for pics and then time for bed.  Another long day tomorrow.  Fuckin a'....